‘There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved’ – Georges Sand
Today, we no longer commit ourselves. We find this unnecessary. It has always been said that ‘one lost, ten are waiting at the door’, but this has never been truer than now, with all these Happn, Tinder, Meetic etc. In the same way that we can order a pizza, we can now order a human being. We set our criteria as if we were buying a pet.
Now, intimacy is a perfect combination of emoticons. We think sending a text message to say “hello!” Is a considerable effort. We think that romanticism is dead, which is perhaps the case … or perhaps we should reinvent it. Maybe, nowadays, romanticism is not to look at his phone long enough to look in his eyes during dinner. Maybe it’s deleting Tinder from his phone after a great first date. Maybe romanticism is still alive, but we no longer know what it looks like. When we make our choice (if we commit ourselves), we remain distant, to evaluate the options coldly. We want the superb slice of filet mignon, but we are too busy to review the entirety of a mediocre buffet simply because it is available. Simply because we have a choice. Our choices kill us. We think having a choice is important. Having so many opportunities is beneficial. That the more chances we have, the better.
But in reality, this only dilutes the whole. We do not even understand what it feels like to be satisfied, what it looks like. We are constantly ready to go, because out there, there are all these possibilities waiting for us. We do not see those who are there, asking only to be loved, for no one asks to be loved. We hope that what we are desperately looking for still exists. And yet, we are constantly seeking a new dose of surprise, excitement, immediate gratification.
We reassure and distract ourselves, and if we are not even able to face our inner demons, how could we be asked to make an effort, and to love someone who makes this love difficult? We are fleeing. We leave. Unlike previous generations, we have access to an immense world. We can open a new tab, view photos of Portugal, get a Visa, and buy a plane ticket. We do not do it, but we can. The important thing is to know that we can do it, even if we do not necessarily have the means.
There are always endless other fascinating options. Go to Instagram to admire the lives of others, the one we might have. See where we could go. See lives that we do not live. See who we do not go out with. We are drowning in stimuli on all sides, and then we are surprised to be unhappy. We are surprised to be unhappy. We are astonished that nothing lasts, and that everything seems useless. Because we do not know how to see our lives for what they actually are, rather than what they are not.
And even if we found love. Suppose we find this person who loves us and whom we love. Commitment. Intimacy. “I love you”. We say that. We find it. And then suddenly we live it for others. We say we are a couple on Facebook. We put our photos on Instagram. We become a “we”. We seem perfect, because what we choose to share is only the “best of” of our relationship. We do not share the nocturnal disputes, the red eyes, the sheets full of tears. We do not update our status to explain how their love encompasses the shadows that we do not like in us. We do not tweet our sadness when we have some crucial discussions for the future of our couple. That is not what we share. Only a smooth image. A happy couple. Love is perfect.
And then we see these other perfect couples, and we compare ourselves. We are the emoji generation. The culture of choice. The generation of comparisons. We gauge ourselves. Can be OK. To be the best. Never in our past we had that many criterias on which to base our image of “The Best Possible Life”. We get information from all sides, and we get depressed. We will never be equal, because what we compare does not exist. These lives do not exist. These relationships do not exist. And yet, we refuse to believe it. For we see them with our own eyes. And we want them. And we are willing to bend over backwards to get them.
Then we separate. We separate because our couple is not good enough, our lives are not perfect enough, our relationship is not great enough. We always do more sorting on Tinder. We’re still ordering someone else, like a pizza. And the cycle begins again. Emoji. A “hello” text message. Intimacy. Place the phone. A photo of a couple. A happy and perfect couple.
Comparisons. Comparisons. Comparisons. Gradually, the arrival of the first problems and subtle criticism. Arguments. “It does not work, but I do not know why.” “This relationship does not work.” “I need something more.” And separation. Another lost love. A new trash filled with photos of a happy couple.
We move on to the next one. We are always looking for what escapes us. The new dose. The new satisfaction. The new instant gratification. We live our life in 140 characters, in videos of 5 seconds, in filtered photos, in films of four minutes, we flutter. It is nothing more than an illusion.
We refuse to content ourselves with little, while persuading ourselves that to content ourselves with little is a relationship that is not perfect, exciting and similar to what we see elsewhere. What is it, content with little? We do not know, but we do not want it. If it is not perfect, it is satisfied with little. If it is not a sparkling passion, it is content with little. If it is not worthy of Pinterest, it is content with little. We realize that our expectations are illusory and far from reality. We want to be called over the phone. We want our partner to stop having his nose glued to the screen of his phone. We want to slow down. We want simplicity. We want a life independent of comments, “+1”, and other green thumbs. We may not know that it is, but we want it. We want links, truths. We want a love that is built without being dumped for another person.
We want to have someone when we go home. We want to extinguish ourselves at an advanced age, knowing that we have lived fully every moment of our existence. This is what we want, and we do not know how to want.
And yet, that is not how we approach our relationships today. That’s not how we love today.
Thanks a lot for reading and let me know what you feel about this in the comments !