Habits#2 – How to be attractive and get on well with people
‘I personally don’t think ginger men have a habit of being attractive. We have to make ourselves seem attractive by doing stuff. ‘ Ed Sheeran
Being attractive, easily loved or appreciated is one of the thing we strive for. Because it makes us feel happy and well established in our society and environment.
However, attract people, make people feeling well when discussing with you, making friends is often something that only few people master.
There is a part of personal traits in those people who get on well and are considered a social ‘artists’. Energy, Eloquence, self confidence, charm, beauty are some of the keys that will make someone attractive.
The problem is, we are not all eloquent, good looking, full of energy at every moment and self confident in every situation..
The good news is: Everyone can be attractive !
Actually, there are behaviours and rules to respect to make it happen whatever the situation.
It look obvious but, think about it.. How often do you see someone giving you her:his best smile ? And how do you feel when someone do so ?
The answer is quite clear: it feels good and we are willing to get to know this person !
We like joyfull people because it has a halo effect on our own mood and we enjoy being surrounded by people who bring us positiveness.
Of course, smiling must be real because we can easily perceive forced smiles and it creates totally the opposite effect. So, think about it when you go to the office tomorrow morning, the way you say ‘Hello’ to your colleagues, the face you have when you have a conversation with people or when you have an eye contact..
Giving a real and sincere smile is the very first step to be attractive.
Remember person names:
It feels good when we see someone for the second time and he/she remembers our name right ? it’s a matter of recognition and it shows also that you’re caring about other and are not totally self-centered. Use it several times when you talk with this person.
An easy way to remember names is to repeat several time the name of the person you are meeting for the first time and to pay attention to her/his face. Like ‘Nice to meeting you Patrick’, ‘Ok, let’s go for a coffee this week, see you Patrick!’ etc…
This is something essential and people will really appreciate to be recognised.
Become genuinely interested by people:
Whatever we say, we are always happy when we talk about ourselves. We are self-centered, that’s a fact. Demonstrate real curiosity toward someone else’s life shows that you are interested by others.
People love talking about what they do or like in their lives. Sometimes when we meet someone, one of the first question is about what is she/he doing for living. In some case, it can create an awkward moment since you are absolutely not doing the same kind of job and consequently you don’t know what to say.
That’s a mistake ! It’s exactly at that moment that we need to be curious and ask questions. First, there won’t be this awkward moment anymore, second, the person will be more than happy to explain what she/he does and and third, you will learn new things !
Be a good listener, encourage people to talk about themselves.
And at the end of the conversation the person will be happy and will have appreciated the discussion while he/she had talked almost the major part of the time.
Talk in terms of the other people interest:
During a conversation, we like to share/debate on subjects that we have knowledges on and that we like. Try to figure out what are the people interests and ask questions. Even better, when you know you are gonna meet new people, try to know in advance what are their common interests. You can then read a couple of things if you are not familiar with the topic and it will make it easy to get into a new group (Eg. you attend a party in a bar with people playing Rugby, try to know the latest news and get information on the topic).
Give honest and sincere appreciation and Make the other person feel important sincerely:
When someone is telling you that what you’re doing is interesting or very great. When you don’t feel any point of jealousy and you really feel this person is happy for you or happy to spend time with you. How does it feel ?
Never be jealous or envious. That doesn’t bring anything positive to your own life.
Instead, tell people who are doing good things that you like what they do or that you like the way they think about certain topics etc…, and explain why !
It must be sincere and you should really mean it. Otherwise, same issue it will be perceived as fake appreciation and will have the opposite effect. You don’t want that.
Don’t criticise, condemn or complain:
Negativity doesn’t have any place when it’s about attractiveness.
Never criticise and condemn: People have different life and consequently, the way they behave, talk and think can be totally different than yours. The key is to listen, trying to understand why people are how/who they are and give advices (Or your opinion under a suggestion form – Like ‘Do you think it would be better if ….’). It shows you tolerance and whoever you have in front of you, this will create a positive effect that can serve you in the future.
Never complain: one thing: If you complain about a situation you can change – don’t complain and act. We don’t like negative people who complain while the only thing they have to do is to change. Don’t be this person and avoid being surrounded by this personalities – it create a negative effect on your environment.
Admit if you are wrong, respect others opinion and see things in the other point of view:
That’s a fact, we like to be right. When discussing with people, we often come out with topics subject of controversy like politics, religions, economy and each of us has his own vision. Based on education, experience, steps achieved in life etc…
We all have et people it’s impossible to have a constructive discussion with. He/She stick to his/her position and use bad faith to counter argue your thoughts, even if the facts are here ! how does it feel ?
It feels that you had a negative impression with this person and you know how the next conversation will turn (If conversation happens again !).
Everyone has a different background and see the world differently. Listening and respect other’s opinions is a sign of respect and tolerance and makes you someone people are happy to talk and have deeper conversation with you !
Do not hesitate to agree on others argument if, in fact, they are relevant and can’t be counter argued with strong facts. People will think of you as a respectful person that leaves enough place to everyone to express.
Let other people save face:
When an awkward situation happens, or a misunderstanding, there is nothing worst than someone noticing the mistake you made in front of others.
The best way is to ignore and help the other save face. This good actions is fundamental in creating a good relationship/friendship.
Praise improvement and Use encouragement:
People talk about their lives, achievement, fears, mistakes, projects etc.. What’s better than a friend pushing you up when you are down, encourage you to pursue your goals ?
Be the Positive mindset friend/colleague that everyone want to by surrounded by. Help people to get better, have trust in their capabilities, bring them up ! That’s what good leaders do.
All of these tips to be more attractive and make more friends must become who YOU really are.
Never forget that the more positive things you give to your environment, to more positive things you will receive !
Sometimes we are disappointed by people and might have the feeling of having been used. but those one… don’t waste energy on them. Focus on the positive things !
Thanks a lot for reading and let me know what you feel about this in the comments !